Ryn Gargulinski

Skeletal Butterfly

2011-01-06T05:07:00.000-08:00

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BUMBLEBEES BUZZ

2011-01-06T05:06:00.001-08:00

coyotes howl. hyenas
cackle. cats yelp and
yowl with their tails
'neath a rocker.

bumblebees
buzz. crappy
cars clunk. eye
sockets pop
when they’re
bopped with a
baseball.

rats tisk. lizards
hiss. my dog
croons a tune
that sounds
like “I love you.”

-ryn gargulinski.01.06.11

Two goats that nearly drowned in Tucumcari, N.M. (see NOAH poem below)

2010-12-23T11:35:00.000-08:00

NOAH

2010-12-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

the rain came
thick in tucumcari – it
tried its wet best to
drown both my goats one
stood
atop the
other – smashed her
bony back down in the
muddy flood – the bottom
goat bobbled her frail
back gave way her head
dipped quick below
the surface -- we rescued
the two to the laundryroom –
where both promptly peed
on the floor – the
perfume of ammonia
seeped deep beneath
linoleum as they
pawed hooves all over
white walls – bit a big
hole in the flimsy tin
dryer hose.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.23.10

Winter in Arizona

2010-12-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

SKATING A GLACIER

2010-12-16T05:29:00.000-08:00

when I write I
tend to skate the
surface – I tell you
a story I even make
it fancy give you
axels, double-axels,
plié – but I fear to
scrape beneath the
glacier – it’s been
years in formation to
freeze out emotion who
knows what doth really
lurk beneath – if I poke
at such a carcass it may
unleash thick maggots or
perhaps it’s more like a
cocoon – where inside
dwells a
butterfly.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.16.10

Have yourself a Creepy Little Christmas: Holiday gifts for the weird and offbeat – PHOTOS

2010-12-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

Have yourself a Creepy Little Christmas: Holiday gifts for the weird and offbeat – PHOTOS

Watch dog

2010-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

ODE TO ALL THE ARTISTS

2010-12-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

You will not –

hold me
down, mr.
man will not
shave off my eyebrows or
yank out my teeth or rip lashes
from my lids or chop limbs at my
knees you will not – you

cannot –
reduce me.

You cannot --
quash

my flame, mr.
man cannot piss
on my bonfire hurl
water on my torch snuff the
innate hot blaze that long makes
my skin scorch cannot hush that

spicy sizzle

in my soul – that
consumes me with
the need to
create.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.05.10

Five ways of looking at a tarantula hawk wasp

2010-10-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

INSECT CHINESE WATER TORTURE

2010-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

bugs are
smarter than
we think they know
exactly where
our eardrum is just as
we fall asleep they know
to bite the crappy
itchy spots behind our
back and knees they
know to fly through the
one single wound that
gapes in the bent-up and
dog-injured screen they know to
land so promptly at dinner atop –
a mound of pure white
cottage cheese.

-Ryn Gargulinski.10.31.10

Sawyer's nose knows

2010-08-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

read sawyer's blog at TucsonCitizen.com/sawyer

NOSES

2010-08-07T16:36:00.000-07:00

deviated
septum turned
up like a ski slope
punched flat on a boxer
too big for your glasses too
small for your face there is so
much – that can go wrong – with
noses.

-Ryn Gargulinski.2010
see more ryn poetry at ryngargulinski.com

One big bug

2010-08-07T16:32:00.000-07:00

PAYCHECK

2010-08-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

I am a bug
on my back that
struggles to flip a
scarab in a sand dune that
june bug on my porch – I struggle
and wiggle to make ends meet – yet
my legs still wave fruitless in the air – when
I am finally able to flip myself upright and
breathe for a moment a fresh gasp of air –
a dog paw squarely blasts me down flat.

-Ryn Gargulinski.2010
see more ryn poetry at ryngargulinski.com

Sweet ghoulish chile

2010-08-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

GHOULS

2010-08-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

we wondered if
the child knew he
looked like a ghoul as he
sat on the bleachers at
pinnacle peak while a wild
west with slapstick thrilled the
audience – with gunshots and
a barrel that leaked. we learned
later the kid was with a
whole ghoulish trope who
dropped by in a hearse to
sell their parties – (yet) that
did not stop the
audience from
staring – or whispered
titters pointed fingers at the
child – glaring flashbacks of
me in first grade.

-ryngargulinski.2010

Fluff (aka clouds)

2010-07-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

FLUFF

2010-07-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

by Ryn Gargulinski

fluff
can be
cushy sweet
plushy cute like
something
you
pack
in your
pillow that –

soft stuff
that cradles
your head but –

fluff
can be

nasty
harsh
abrasive
gruff as the

term used to
criticize your writing or –

the curt cold so
loathsome response when
you open up and
disclose your
dreams.

Andrew's cat Rosie - goes with his FLUFF poem

2010-07-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

FLUFF

2010-07-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

by Andrew Ulanowski

My cat Rosie
is so skinny
and frail
that I am
quite sure
she is made from
fluff
and
popsicle sticks.

Lazlo the lizard dance

2010-07-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

See more photos, art and Ryn writing at ryngargulinski.com and tucsoncitizen.com/rynski

BETRAYAL POEMS: BETRAYAL and LET DOWN

2010-07-03T08:11:00.002-07:00

BETRAYAL
by Ryn Gargulinski

they may have thought
we would take them on a
bicycle ride a trek to the
circus a zip to the zoo but instead

we put them in an ice cube tray – each
bald baby mouse in its own
little cube – each parent, dismayed where

their babies went – atop lean cuisine
pizza beside smashed frozen peas – the
next morning we pulled

out the ice cube tray – found several cubes
empty as a number had crawled – to a lumpy
pinkie clump in one cube – a huddle that had hoped to

stay warm – one frozen mid-crawl on
the lip – his paw grasping at the
the cold freezer
sky.

Poem in honor of pinkies we wrenched away from pet mice to feed lizard Lazlo
___

LET DOWN
by Andrew Ulanowski

Betrayal is having
the person
you have fallen
in love with
ask you to review
their ad on Match.com

Shoe shots and feet

2010-07-03T08:03:00.001-07:00

TWO SHOE POEMS: MINOR and SHOES

2010-07-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

MINOR
by Ryn Gargulinski

we remember
things that hurt like
our first broken heart long
lost pets who up
and died the
friend who gave a
gift and then
took it right back – she would

rather gift the gift now to
Shannon, she
said – the chipped

tooth on the
water pump the
Hubba Bubba in
the hair – the

snowball
in the back at the
bus stop – that hurt
less than its
derisions and
snarls -- or the size

four antique
buckle shoes – I
crammed on my
teen feet’s
size eight.

____

SHOES
by Andrew Ulanowski

Shoes, shoes, the musical fruit
They kill my feet but they’re SO CUTE!

I’m supposed to be writing this STUPID poem about shoes,
but, I’ve decided that I’m going to protest the fact that
while shoes come in many assortments of
size, color, material, style, etc.
Seems someone forgot a very important category indeed . . .
flavor!
With that said, I vow from now on only to wear banana leaves
on my feet, held on by some string or perhaps some old bungie chord,
shunning shoe-dom until justice (and tasty shoes) have been served.

HAIKU: ONE DAY

2010-05-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

one day everyone
will wake up happy and they
won’t know what to do.

-Ryn Gargulinski.05.01.10

Illustration from Ryn Gargulinski's book BONY YOGA

Smashed bee could bee a hummingbird (see poem below)

2010-04-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

2010-04-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

hummingbird hatchlings are the
size of a bumblebee what this
could mean is beginning to
trouble me – how many are
smashed in a mean, panicked
streak by folks who see a
stinger that is really just a
beak.

-Ryn Gargulinski.04.18.10

Seven deadly sins, rat style

2010-04-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

DEADLY SINS

2010-04-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

A poem in seven parts

i

wrath will
always fascinate me it’s so
easy to feed just
start with a seed then
watch it sprout fester and
bloom until you
blow up an orphanage

ii

lust brings skank
prostitutes to mind – and
itchy red bumps to your
crotch

iii

gluttony the void
that can never be
sated I found 22
packets of nuts when i
cleaned out my
desk

iv

greed makes me
think of daffy
duck when he
finds mounds of
treasure then gets
trapped in the cave to
starve
rot and
otherwise
die – surrounded
by diamonds

v

sloth has
two toes but
no motivation he’s the
reason we have dents in
our couch and that thing
called TV

vi

pride pumps
our heads like
balloons – that get
popped with a prick
from reality

vii

fear dances in our
bladders twists
knots in our
stomachs is the
glob that
gives rise to the
other six sins.

-Ryn Gargulinski.04.09.10

Smiling while falling - Two Grand Canyon poems below

2010-01-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

DEATH IN THE GRAND CANYON

2010-01-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

By Ryn Gargulinski

this one was frozen in a gully
this one had tumbled from the
brink – that one was found
near his water face down as
some voices told him not to drink

this one was swept in a
flash flood – this one was
blanched by the sun – that one
went far in his very fast car that
had sped to its very last run

this one was drowned in the
river – this one was crushed
by big stones -- that one don’t
know how he happened to go
all that’s left is a pile of bones

this one was posing for a
photo – this one veered way
off his course -- and that
one was shoved by a
husband out of love as it’s
cheaper than
getting a
divorce.

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.Etsy.com.

Check out her blogs at TucsonCitizen.com

Muerte en el Gran Cañón

2010-01-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

By Andrew Ulanowski

I’ve sometimes wondered
how long you would fall
if you were to fall
into the Grand Canyon . . .
I suppose you could use some measurement,
some formula that has you hurtling through the air
at ‘X’ miles per hour until you hit ‘terminal velocity’,
or the canyon floor.

Fitting phrase that, ‘terminal velocity’ . . .

I wonder how long it takes
for you to mess your pants up
on the way down.
I bet Wiley Coyote knows.

How humiliating it would be
to get beaten to death
by your backpack filled
with life-sustaining water
and granola bars
just before you make your mark in the world.

Read more Ulanowski poetry under his pen name Raul Aqua at Scribd.com/Raul Aqua

Submit poems of your own at Scribd.com.

San Diego Whaley House and nearby cemetery

2010-01-09T09:01:00.000-08:00

THE FAVOR

2010-01-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

alcohol kills
slowly my mom
watched it in her
neighbor who lived
well into her 50s until
body parts shut down – a
fresh teen in her yearbook wrote a
sad dark ode to hangovers was
hooked on drugs by 25 then
murdered by a john – as
sick as it was it was
quick – and maybe
he did her a
favor.

-Ryn Gargulinski.01.2010

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.Etsy.com.

Check out her blogs at TucsonCitizen.com

Negative Nellie personified

2010-01-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

NEGATIVE NELLIE

2010-01-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

sometimes I hear his
negative voice march
mantras through the
tunnels in my head – the
coffee’s not
strong enough the dog
leash not
long enough the
TV’s too
little the cheese
grater sucks – like

goldilocks rarely
satisfied – I’m sad as
that used to be
me.

-Ryn Gargulinski.01.2010

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.Etsy.com.

Check out her blogs at TucsonCitizen.com

Beware of Pollywogs

2009-12-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

See more RynArt at Rynski.Etsy.com

ARTISTIC LICENSE

2009-12-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

I am supposed
to be sensitive for I am
an artist – I cry at a
raindrop get mad at a
bus stop get mushy
from friendships find joy in
the absurd – the world

is my
personal attacker – and I may
one day go and cut off
my ear.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.09

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.Etsy.com.

Check out her blogs at TucsonCitizen.com

Sawyer as goalie defending new dog toy

2009-12-25T07:42:00.000-08:00

GOALIE

2009-12-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

you’d think his new
dog toy was a bloody
rabbit or a bowl full of
guts the way
sawyer defends it, his
teeth bared, a growl – the

same way I still
defend my
heart.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.2009

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.etsy.com

Angry man at La Guardia airport

2009-12-25T07:37:00.001-08:00

ANGRY PEOPLE

2009-12-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

sometimes I
feel their hate – it
radiates like toxins bores
holes through my skull smells
acrid like sulfur eats tunnels
through my nose I wonder
what made their souls so
hardened – what charred their
hearts to blackened scraps
of coal.

-Ryn Gargulinski.12.2009

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.etsy.com

Most Embarrassing Moment - Two poems below

2009-12-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

MEETING HIS MOTHER

2009-12-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

by Ryn Gargulinski

I wanted her
to like me because she
was his mom and he
was my boyfriend and
the first impression is the
lasting impression that can
make or mar the future make her
hate me for 12 years so I brought a
homemade trinket chitted chat about
her past said I really like your house this fine
gold carpet looks brand new and she

may have gone and
liked me just fine – if my dog had not
straddled that
gold carpet and
peed.

See more Ryn writing and art at RynRules.com and Rynski.etsy.com

Going Down On A Horse”

2009-12-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

by Andrew Ulanowski

So there we were
Sitting on the grass
In Griffith Park.
You were beautiful
And I was a boy
With drool on my chin.
Our horses were tied over there
While we got stoned on the grass
At the top of a hill.
I could have said
“Kathy, will you be my girl”
Or (equally dorky and trite)
“I really, really like you”
But,
As I looked down the slope
I thought of us riding,
No, galloping
Like lovers in a movie
Down that green sward
And I said instead
“Kathy, there’s nothing I like
Better than . . .

Read more Ulanowski poetry under his pen name Raul Aqua at Scribd.com/Raul Aqua

Submit poems of your own at Scribd.com.

Nostalgia

2009-12-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

Read three poems below on the topic of NOSTALGIA.

GREEN ONIONS

2009-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

by Ryn Gargulinski

When I chop
green onions I
think of you the
technique you learned in
cooking school about
peeling off the layers to get to
the good stuff nestled deep
inside – when I

said it wastes half the onion you asked
did I like such things that were
scratchy and bland – which is what

happened to our relationship we
stopped laughing stopped trusting you
pretended to have a job at some restaurant but just
hid around the corner as I took the

train to work – but some
fond stuff is still
nestled deep inside – in that
tasty plump core called
nostalgia.

The Last Place You Look

2009-12-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

by Andrew Ulanowski

I remember
When my father was alive
And the Cubs
Had players like
Ernie Banks,
Billy Williams,
Ron Santo
And the coach
Was Leo Durocher.
One year
My Dad gave me a baseball;
My favorites
Had signed it
But it was a fake.
No matter.
It was my Dad’s heart
With Little scribbles
On it.
I used to think
It lost

But I just looked
And it’s here
In my heart
Right where he left it . . .

Read more Ulanowski poetry under his pen name Raul Aqua at Sribd.com/Raul Aqua

NOSTALGIA

2009-12-07T17:34:00.000-08:00

by Ryn Gargulinski

I sometimes pine for
strange things like a
colored candy necklace that would
quickly stain your skin or the trek we’d
take to buy them from the
cottage to the gas mart past the
quarry where the frogs rot in the days
before quarries were fenced off in the days
before sunshine could cancer you in the days
before heartbreak before loss
of friends and pets the days
where you didn’t even care (when)
a necklace stained
your skin.

Read more Rynski poetry at Scribd.com/rynski.

Which one is the rebel?

2009-11-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

REBEL - a poem in five parts

2009-11-30T14:26:00.000-08:00

by Ryn Gargulinski

i.
if all my pets
rebelled they could
easily kill me – with their
dog claws their
rat scratch their
catalog of teeth – a fat
lizard who might
suck out my
eyes.

ii.
uppers downers cocaine meth –
heroin crack and PCP – all
rebellion – against the will
to live.

iii.
james dean was a
rebel without a cause my friend
dave was a rebel without a
house – while sweet
dean seemed so sexy in his
studly leather angst my friend
dave became
bedraggled began
to smell.

iv.
I shaved thick
rebellious lines on the
side of my
head but the lines were not
parallel and I looked
like an idiot.

v.
if all my pets
rebelled they could
easily kill me – and so
could an angry batch of
kids.

See more Rynski poetry at RynRules.com or http://www.scribd.com/rynski

Rebel without a Clue

2009-11-30T14:19:00.000-08:00

by Andrew Ulanowski

I put on a uniform and I even took an oath
To defend my country and the Constitution
Against all enemies foreign and domestic.
They let me in (despite my lack of education)
And they told me I was to follow orders
Or find myself in jail for a long, long time.
I shook a little in my boots and did as I was told,
Ironing my underwear in perfect 6 inch squares
So I could be a bett(Silly)er Soldier.

One day I went to the flight line as I did most everyday
And the people in charge tried to put me in harm’s way,
Telling me I should do this and that and the other thing.
The things that they were asking were foolish and dangerous
Designed to make Disabled Veterans out of Silly Soldiers.

I refused. (Silly Soldier!)

They took me behind the bulding at work
And proceeded to threaten me with physical harm.
I stood my ground know(hope)ing they were bluffing.

And they were.

They finally decided that it was time for me to go to jail.
They really thought they had me there.
But I just laughed and said,
“Send me to jail; you’ll all still be idiots
And I will have three hots and a cot
Plus all of my limbs.”
(And I won’t have to lis(ten hut!) to your crap
I thought to myself.)

They muttered to themselves
And probably gave the assignment
To someone else who was still ironing their
Undies in those same perfect squares,
6 inches to a side, shaking in their boots
Not knowing that their loyalty
Would probably cost them an arm and a leg.

See more Ulanowski poetry, under the nom de plume Raul Aqua - and submit your own writing to the site! - at http://www.scribd.com/Raul Aqua

Sawyer as royalty

2009-11-19T15:13:00.000-08:00

DOG IS GOD SPELLED BACKWARDS

2009-11-19T15:08:00.000-08:00

the dog
chewed off his hind leg
not thinking twice not
thinking just doing it sort of
the way I moved to New York
or the way they perform abortions.

it’s easy not to think
that’s the easy part I often
meditate in traffic going the wrong way
with my eyes closed someone told me
that was dangerous
after they stopped laughing.

It’s easy to think
of gloom & doom and the way
my gerbil’s neck snapped when
I threw him against the cage
after he bit me
an accident
I hid in my brother’s room.

it’s hard
to stay solid,
to stay still, to keep hold
of the air when you are hissing
above the sunset or clunking
below the coal mines with a sickening thud
usually reserved for old men getting hit by cabs
or an old broad’s pocketbook, just don’t call her a broad,
or other things you are sorry for
that had to happen anyway.

-Ryn Gargulinski, 2001

Two roadkill poems (below) inspired by dead rabbit poked by stick

2009-11-16T17:15:00.001-08:00

THUMP

2009-11-16T17:12:00.000-08:00

By Ryn Gargulinski

some things are
better off dead – like
anger resentment a
cockroach a king – but not
so
for the
bunny by
the
road – you’d

think with
all their
animal Instincts – from
feeding to
breeding to
hopping from a
dog – they would
know when to
cross the
dang
street.

Do I Have Something on My Face?

2009-11-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

By Andrew Ulanowski

I’m the funny little bunny
with a runny, little nose.
This look of mine
is no mistake.
It’s something that
I chose.

Looking close
you’ll see I’m smart
or maybe that’s just brains.
It seems my new position
comes with lots of pains.

A day ago
I ran around
on little bunny feet.
Today
I seem to only
be running down the street.

But if you’re feeling sorry
don’t be forever blue.
Just wait a little while
and this will
happen to you too.

See more Ulanowski poetry, under the nom de plume Raul Aqua - and submit your own writing to the site! - at http://www.scribd.com/Raul Aqua

A dirty house is an angry house

2009-09-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

CHEZ WINDEX

2009-09-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

The Housecleaning Poem

my house
thanks me
when I
clean it by
embracing
me with
sweetness
and not
smelling like
someone
died.

-Ryn Gargulinski.09.30.09

Click here for more poems and Ryn's website

Sawyer eating last batch of new grass

2009-09-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Click here for more Ryn photos

Click here for more Saywer photos

Click here for more Ryn poems

Click here for Ryn's website

LAWNBOY

2009-09-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

watching grass grow may
be mundane but when you
spy the first
spudlets in their
soft, supple
sprouts six
days from reseeding
like it said on the
bag you get a thrill as each
little bud pops up – so

tender, so vernal, so
fragile – and not yet
discovered by the
dogs.

-Ryn Gargulinski.09.12.09

Click here for more poems by Ryn

Click here for Ryn's website

CHASTISED

2009-09-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

In the wake of the WTC disaster

I wasn’t born yet
for the Kennedy thing but this morning
on the 69th Street Pier I saw the
smoke billow out from the World Trade Center
across the way but chalked it up to
being no big deal since I had just
written a poem about pollution.

I found out
I was wrong.

It hit me first
at work
when I heard the news that a plane came
hijacked from Boston to New York and I thought
of my brother, although he lived in Boston several lives
ago, I wanted to know he was ok but

nothing was ok. Nothing was alright and then
the lady’s voice on 1010 declared the second
tower came town and that didn’t hit me yet
until I heard Manhattan now has
a new skyline...

I thought of my
drawings I must redo as I
answered the e-mails from frantic friends
still in Michigan typing in all caps
PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE OK and it
hit me again

on the ride home on my bike
since my boss -- and the Senate -- declared it time to close after
hearing -- six times -- this is a national emergency and he
offered to drive all of us home, me and my bike if I
took off the tire and I was
about to accept when he
locked the keys in his car so I pedaled -- cautiously --
through the dampered streets, past another guy
on a bike wearing a bright white surgical mask and
thought, since I smoke, if I did the same thing I would feel
like a hypocrite I feel

we have a glimpse
of WWIII never mind Archduke
Ferdinand the Third or the shot heard round the world I just heard
the radio bleed that the Arabs on the West Bank
are handing out candy, they are having a party, saying that
God is good there is death in America,
the garden-shaped wuss we could all blame Bush
and hummus and indigo things but I don’t know enough to jab
or point political fingers -- I only know enough
to know that
I am scared

and I only know enough to hope that the
slumbering oaf we call a country
stirs itself awake enough
to rear its massive head
in prayer.

-Ryn Gargulinski.09.11.01

Click here for more poems by Ryn

Click here for Ryn's website

Beware of chihuahua

2009-05-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

Check out more fun yard art at www.ryngargulinski.com

Furry Friends File - week of 5/1

2009-05-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

Never mind a bull in a china shop – one got loose from a cattle market in Ireland and ran through a nearby supermarket.

Surprisingly, the brawny beast took several beelines through the direct center of the aisles and didn’t knock into anything – until one guy tried to fend him off with a shopping cart.

That’s no bull.

Neither is the story about the Michigan Chihuahua who was swept away by a 70 mph wind gust. The teeny pup, named Tinker Bell, was carried about a mile over Dixie Highway. The owner hired a pet psychic to locate the windblown dog, who was still alive but kind of grungy.

This Furry Friends File was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

Howling grief

2009-05-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

Gloom and Doom Balloon - week of 5/1

2009-05-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

Only one unnatural death in Tucson, this past week, a 68-year-old man drowned in his backyard swimming pool.

Another death that touched Tucsonan’s hearts – and the hearts of anyone who knew him – was that of Tucson chess champion Landon Brownell, 19.

He was driving on Highway 99 in Bakersfield, California, when he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a eucalyptus tree.

Brownell was affectionately called “that kid with the suit” or “Suitkid” for his penchant for wearing a suit and tie to early tournaments. He nabbed individual and team chess honors while on the high school chess team, was home schooled, cared about people, was smart, funny and affectionate.

Possible sinner

2009-05-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

Tales from the Freak Show - week of 5/1

2009-05-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

Getting a good job, especially lately, is a drag. For some, getting paid for work already done can be downright painful. That is, if they cut off a finger because of it.

One union official in Serbia did just that – chopped off his finger and then ate it – as part of a protest against a textile plant that owed workers wages going back a few years.

The wire service story didn’t mention how the guy lopped off his finger or if the wages were ultimately paid, but it mention it was in protest of not having money to buy food to eat. And it did quote him as saying, “It hurt like hell.”

Speaking of hell, another guy, this one in a Nebraska prison, wanted to legally change his name to “Sinner.”

“Sinner Lawrence Bilskirner.”

Bilskirner said he wants the name in order to reflect his heathenism, while the judge who denied wanna-be-Sinner’s request had a different theory. He surmised the guy just wanted to change his name to help him evade cops in the future and get out of child support payments.

This Tales from the Freak Show was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

Still cool no matter what age

2009-05-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

The town of old people

2009-05-08T15:25:00.000-07:00

Tucson surely rivals Miami for the number of centenarians, or folks who are age 99 or older.

We have at least 50 of them down here in the constant sun – and that’s not a bad thing. Actually, some of the stories they tell are pretty cool, like the guy who hung out with a murderer.

It was even in the good ole’ days of murders, waaaaay before Charles Manson (but after Jack the Ripper).

Walter Michael, age 101, was on the Arizona Board of Pardons and Paroles and got to sentence Winnie Ruth Judd. Judd shot and killed two of her roommates and stuffed them in steamer trunks. One of the bodies was a shade too large and had to be chopped up to fit. She tried to travel with the trunks to L.A. but the train’s baggage guy wouldn’t let the trunks go once he saw blood seeping and oozing from the cracks.

Michael said the biggest change he’s seen in his 102 years on earth is not necessarily for the better.

“We’re becoming more savage,” he said of the human race. “We’re not big enough to police and tame the world.”

This reportwas originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

Why good girls fall for bad boys

2009-04-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

We’ve all seen it happen too many times, perhaps even had it happen in our own dating lives. An upstanding, mature and beautiful woman ends up wasting her time on a ne’er do well. A small handful of theories can explain this.

CLICK HERE to find out what these theories are.

See more dating articles at the Tucson Dating Examiner site.

Bee sting victim

2009-04-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

THE BEE POEM

2009-04-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

for Teresa Truelsen

I saved a bee and
thought of you your
kids with their
beetles in their little
paper cups as they
run through the
kitchen to deposit
them outside such young
sweetness such
kindness such love – which
was surely not the case with my
bumblebee – yes, I saved him
and freed him in the yard – but just
because he would
splat too fat on my
window.

-Ryn Gargulinski.04.17.09

See more poems at www.ryngargulinski.com

These are not eagles

2009-04-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

Furry Friends File - week of 4/24

2009-04-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

An Australian woman had her purse snatched – by an eagle.

The 69-year-old lady had been walking down the street minding her own business when the stately bird, complete with a 7-foot wingspan, swooped down and plucked the purse from her hands. She watched as the bird landed with the purse on the sidewalk and pecked through the pocketbook’s contents.

Police later found the bird hiding in a field and discovered it was a trained eagle that had gotten loose. They returned the bird to its owner who explained he usually fed the eagle out of a bag that looked similar to the woman’s purse.

This Furry Friends File was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

The sky is falling!

2009-04-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

Gloom and Doom Balloon - week of 4/24

2009-04-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

Six unnatural deaths in Tucson this week, ranging from a jail inmate who allegedly overdosed to a random shooting at a car wash.

The jail inmate, age 22, was just one day away from a plea deal he was about to make in his case. He was charged with first-degree murder and child abuse in the death of his girlfriend’s 5-month-old whom he was supposed to be babysitting while the girlfriend was at work. The baby died under his care.

The random car wash shooting happened at night on the South Side, which is not the best place to be. Two dudes were vacuuming out their vehicles around 11 p.m. when a third vehicle pulled up, a guy got out and shot both of the vacuuming dudes. One guy died and the other was bloodily wounded.

Three other unnatural Tucson deaths were from car crashes. One was a head-on collision that killed both drivers. The other was a highway collision that killed one passenger. In both cases the drivers lost control of the vehicles and veered into oncoming traffic for unknown reasons.

Death number six was a 24-year-old found murdered in his rental home. No motive, no explanation, no more information given by authorities.

This Gloom and Doom Ballooon was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

Clowns suck

2009-04-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

Tales from the Freak Show - week of 4/24

2009-04-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Bras can be wholly annoying, constricting and even gauche – but one also possibly saved a Detroit woman’s life.

The 57-year-old lady heard a neighbor’s burglar alarm and went to the window to see what was going on, reported Metro newspaper. One of the burglars fired a shot that shattered her window and made a beeline right for the lady’s chest – instead of blasting into her ribcage, however, the bullet was deflected by her bra’s underwire.

A few questions on this one – what brand of bra was that and where can I buy one? But the even bigger question: why do people go to the window when they hear mayhem going down? Gunshot! Fire engines! Scary noises!! Let’s go stick our head outside to see what’s happening.

Speaking of scary stuff: Clowns are especially terrifying, and their shoes equally horrific. One 40-year-old Russian clown was banned from wearing the things, the Daily Mail reported, and not just because the clown shoes were hideous. They were downright dangerous.

They made this particular Moscow State Circus clown tumble down 10 feet off a highwire during a performance in Liverpool.

The guy’s fall broke a bone in his foot and the circus health and safety advisers said the shoes had to go because they were unsafe.

Maybe next they can ban those bulbous red clown noses or the frightfully hairy clown wigs.

This Tales from the Freak Show was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

See more fun and funky stuff at www.ryngargulinski.com

Phoebe about to eat a caterpillar

2009-04-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

Year of the grasshopper

2009-04-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Tucson had a hopping week when it was overrun with grasshoppers.

Tons of the crispy, flitting critters touched down this week at various areas around town, causing some folks to scream in horror while others, like the patrons at a midtown bar, ended up playing with them. Bar patrons reported throwing the grasshoppers at each other then squealing with glee when the grasshoppers’ defense mechanism kicked in and the little buggers left big black spots where they landed on perfectly white shirts.

A cranky bug expert said the grasshopper invasion is an annual phenomenon, while a pest company manager said he sees specific insects get their heyday each year. Last year was the milkweed bug. A few years back Tucson swarmed with those giant, grotesque “sewer roaches.”

This is the year of the grasshopper.

This item was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Read the full grasshopper story on the Tucson Citizen site.

Visit www.ryngargulinski.com for more fun and funky stuff.

Kooky Coney Island

2009-04-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

Tales from the Freak Show - week of 4/17

2009-04-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Are snails ruining your garden or your life?

Follow the solution that slithered into the brain of a 59-year-old Welsh woman named Oriole Parker-Rhodes.

She eats them.

One of her favorite ways to hook them up is with parsley and butter, with a side salad and bread, according to the Daily Mail newspaper.

The snail snacking woman even went as far as to set up a site featuring snail recipes at http://eatinggardensnails.blogspot.com.

Speaking of eating weird things:

Remember when mom used to tell you a watermelon would grow inside your gullet if you ate the watermelon seeds or an apple tree would sprout from your stomach if you ate apple seeds?

Well, one dude in Russia had a pine tree growing in his lungs.

The guy had been coughing up blood and suffering from excruciating chest pains when surgeons decided to operate on him to remove what they thought would be a cancerous tumor. What they found instead was a 2-inch pine tree.

The hypothesis is the 28-year-old must have inhaled a pine tree seed some time back and it somehow lodged into his lungs and thrived there. Surgeons successfully removed the tiny tree but did not say if it got transplanted in the guy’s backyard.

This Tales from the Freak Show was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Gloom and Doom Shower

2009-04-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

Gloom and Doom Balloon - week of 4/17

2009-04-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Two and one-half unnatural deaths hit Tucson this past week.

A nearly 2-year-old toddler toddled out of her home on Easter Sunday, while the rest of the family was napping after an Easter outing, and she somehow ended up in the backyard hot tub.

Family members found her unconscious and rushed her to the hospital but it was already too late. The tot was pronounced dead by drowning.

The half-death may be charged as a whole death for the guy who slammed into a car during a police chase and killed an 8-month fetus in its mother’s womb. The mother was injured and the man responsible may be charged with murder under Arizona law.

One more death involved a naked, 50-year-old man who attacked police when they went on a welfare check to his motel room. Police were called to the room because the motel office heard music, noise, banging and groaning in an upstairs room but got no response when they knocked on the door.

When officers entered the noisy room with a pass key, the naked guy came charging at them. He was Tasered and died in a hospital later that morning.

This Gloom and Doom Balloon was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Read more unnatural Tucson deaths on Ryn's blog DAY OF THE DEAD.

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Illustration for my dad

2009-04-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

Furry Friends File - week of 4/17

2009-04-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

Move over Rover – seeing eye ponies are now on the scene. At least that’s the case for a Muslim woman in Detroit, whose religion forbids her to deal with dogs. No one seemed to complain about it, not even the other folks on a downtown bus.

Another woman with a seeing eye pony, this one in Fort Worth, Texas, has been causing an uproar riding her pony through local shops and supermarkets. One critic said she “doesn’t have to be riding it around like Lady Godiva through the store.”

The little pony woman said her bones hurt too much for her to walk and the horse is better than a wheelchair.

The American with Disabilities Act protects service animals, no matter what the species – let’s just hope no one gets the bright idea to haul out a seeing eye elephant or seeing eye polar bear….

…after all, a big, bad polar bear did attack and injure a woman at the Berlin Zoo. Authorities never found why the woman decided to jump into the bear habitat and into his moat during feeding time. She was – big surprise – bitten several times. The gal received treatment for her wounds as well as a citation for trespassing.

This Furry Friends File was originally webcast on Rynski's Shattered Reality on Party934.com

Listen in every Friday at 7 p.m. EST for the newest news at Party934.com.

Sawyer & Phoebe: A Reason to Live

2009-02-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

WRASSLE

2009-02-26T10:05:00.000-08:00

I don’t
kill myself
because of
my dogs – just like
Mickey Rourke who
felt much the
same way – or there’d be
no one to
feed them and
no one to
love them and
no one to
walk them and
no one to
brush them and
no one to
tease them and
no one to
pet them and
no one to
clean up
their
poop.

-Ryn Gargulinski.02.26.09

RIP Stanley, 1908-2008

2008-10-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

STANLEY DIED

2008-10-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

RIP, hairless rat wonder

Stanley died
for days – for at
least one week we
knew death was coming whether
instant or laborious the result
is the same the last hug is
always the saddest – his plump
body gone bony his limbs
limpid, weak – he seemed
weary, resolved not afraid of
death coming as if he knew
he was going to heaven – because
all pets, they all go to
heaven.

-Ryn Gargulinski, 10/15/08

Dog pool party at the YMCA

2008-09-29T20:01:00.001-07:00

Every year before closing down the pool for the winter, Tucson's Lighthouse City YMCA has a dog pool party.

At this year's bash, Sawyer did laps, Phoebe skulked around, barked and refused to go in the water while good pal Scout of North Sixth Avenue Dog Park fame only went in when he fell in on accident.

It's good none of the dogs ate 45 minutes before swimming but they did break the longtime rule of no running by the pool.

Dog pool party at the YMCA

2008-09-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dog pool party at the YMCA

2008-09-29T19:39:00.001-07:00

Dog pool party at the YMCA

2008-09-29T19:36:00.001-07:00

Dog pool party at the YMCA

2008-09-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ryn's Backyard Project, Tucson, AZ

2008-07-04T21:00:00.001-07:00

BACKYARD WONDERLAND: Yes, in my backyard

2008-07-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

By Ryn Gargulinski

I got a yard. I got some sheet metal. I got some spray paint.

I got me a BACKYARD WONDERLAND.

The last few weekends have been spent toiling over bent metal and amassing enough debris to transform my backyard into a magical place.

Now, the debris is not just any ordinary debris, but debris carefully chosen from Gerson’s Salvage, perfectly picked out of the nearby Rillito River riverbed or even combed from other people’s Dumpsters.

A lot of thought, back bending metal bending and spray paint went into my BACKYARD WONDERLAND.

Three things have influenced me in this glorious project:

1. Tucson’s Valley of the Moon: a 1920s-era fantasy land that has weirdo faces peeking out of the bushes and a magic troll bridge.

2. Detroit’s Heidelberg Project: hunks of junk collected, arranged and stuck to houses down a downtown block. The last time we went there was a yard full of neatly arranged shoes and a home with its siding stuck with stuffed animals.

3. That tall leaning thing in the Avenue B community garden in New York’s Alphabet City.

The several story structure was adorned with doll parts, Big Wheel chunks, nuts, bolts and just about everything else before it had to be torn down just this year as it began to lean and sway precariously.

So far I’ve got the Moon’s weirdo faces, Detroit’s nod to debris and a few trellises along the back wall that lean and sway precariously.

My mom thinks I also have a yard so crammed with art that the dogs have nowhere to play. I’d never do that to my canines. Heck, they can easily run around the debris.

Hope you have as much fun viewing the photos below as I did creating the art.

Backyard Bonanza

2008-07-04T20:31:00.000-07:00