Rental Review: Monster’s Ball

By Ryn Gargulinski
While my mentor English professor once said a story can’t go wrong if you start with a dead body, this one did. Actually, we had three dead bodies going on - a death row electrocution, a suicide and a bloody boy hit by a car. And the movie still sucked.

The plot had so much promise, a corrections officer falling in love with the wife an executed criminal, an unloved son who makes his own fate, a much loved son who finds solace in candybars. Even the title is cool.

The description on the DVD box also screamed things about Academy Award winners! and even that dead guy who used to review movies gave it two thumbs up. Alas, it was still so slow and agonizing to watch, like a botched execution perhaps, in which you just wish for the end yet are made to linger.

Highlight: When one of the officers puked when they were walking the convict to the death chamber.
Lowlight:The false hope the flick would get better as it slogged along.
Rating (1-10): NEGATIVE 5,678,941

Rental Review: Snakes on a Plane

By Ryn Gargulinski
Although an airplane writhing with killer snakes is not the most credible scenario, it’s one of the most enjoyable – as long as you’re not on that plane.

This movie, which sounds campy, spoofy and stupid on the box, was all three. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t fun.
It also kicked off with a bloody murder.

You got my attention from there.

Scenes got bloodier, bolder. Snakes ate private parts and eyeballs and hung from the ceilings disguised near oxygen masks.

They were equal opportunity snakes, even killing a character we loved.
But they also got some we didn’t care for.

The snake attack scenes were very cheesy and low-tech, but amusing nonetheless. If they were too realistic, perhaps the movie may actually be scary.

Highlight: When the snake ate the man who threw the dog.
Lowlight: When the snake ate the dog.
Rating (1-10): 8