Rental Review: The Crossing Guard

By Ryn Gargulinski
For such a great premise – a father taking revenge on a drunk driver who killed his 7-year-old daughter – this was such a boring film. For some reason, perhaps my fatigue, hope it would improve or aversion to getting up and switching DVDs, I ended up watching the whole thing. I am sorry.

In addition to the slow plod of a go-nowhere plot, the characters are not likable in the least. We have the ex-husband drunken father jeweler who has a bad dream way late in the move that explains the nonsensical title of the film, the ex-wife mother who would be OK but only shows up in a couple of scenes and the awful, whiny, cry-baby, guilt-ridden bad boy drunk driver who is no longer drunk but cannot live a normal life under the mountain of guilt he presses upon his scarred forehead.

Have any of these people heard of counseling?

Highlight: When the movie ends, but not the last whiny, cry-baby, guilt-ridden scene.
Lowlight: The constant strip tease scenes that have nothing to do with the story but boost the rating to an R and probably worked for sales to say “strip tease scenes included.”
Rating (1-10): NEGATIVE 80, equal to the inverse proof of most vodkas.

This movie was recommended by Xavier.